dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
