Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
