How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize