so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
