I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
