I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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