so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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