I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
