I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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