I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
