I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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