I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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