I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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