wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
should my penis look like a turkey
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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