Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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