:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
