If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize