I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
