Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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