we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
