Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We need to rekindle our bromance
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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