I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
