it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
