Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
