please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
