i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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