And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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