youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
