First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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