FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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