Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
