M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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