Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
