My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This is the prime rib incident all over again
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
