Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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