omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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