I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I supernannyed him into submission
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
