I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
