I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
