dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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