i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
