You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
