I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
