So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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