It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
