Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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