4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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