Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
