The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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