I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
