I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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