I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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