the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
