xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
