a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize