why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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