I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
