There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
