Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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