I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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