Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
