Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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