Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Blood and glitter go together right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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