I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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