I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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