that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize