Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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