College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
