And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize