dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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