You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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