hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
