we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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